Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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