woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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