Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
