At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
