Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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