It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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