apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
