So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize