I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize