i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
