my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
