Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
