Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
