even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
