Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
