can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
50% drunk capacity currently
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
