I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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