I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
