the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
