I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
