Don't you send me to vm
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
