My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
