I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
