Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
