I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
