he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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