That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
