Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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