A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
