a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
