my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize