I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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