Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
