Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
