shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
