I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
