My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
