is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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