What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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