I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
