I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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