he thought i was a dude.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I did not marry a roomba.
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