yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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