Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
