dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
