I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
