Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
