tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
