Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
