Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
