the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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