im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
