Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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