overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
