Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
