I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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