Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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