I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
