I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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