I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So vagazzling was a success
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize