What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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