I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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